Blank

There are days when you think you have nothing to write about, simply blank. Today was such a day. I woke up thinking it was a good day for me to use one of my stockpiled stories, perhaps something a bit timeless but nevertheless worthy.

I looked into my electronic files and soon realized that there was nothing appropriate. I searched my brain for a humorous anecdote but came up without a smile. I looked at the newspaper for inspiration but they were leading with stories about that son of a Fascist, sex fun boy Max Mosley. In this blog we have already discussed the Formula 1’s supremo and his sexual peccadilloes. This is a chap that sees nothing wrong with consenting adults dressing up as Nazi concentration camp guards and whipping each other into a sexual frenzy. Fun boy Max denies that the nubile young women in the striped uniforms were dressed as inmates in a concentration camp, and that the German language being used was intended to simulate that situation.

Oh dear, perhaps I’m just not broad minded enough. I just don’t get the joke, or the sexual thrill. Then again I’m not the son of an anti-Semitic rabble rousing Fascist, so I suppose there’s something lacking within me.

Max, so his court defense goes, is of the opinion that his privacy has been invaded and this has brought him into public ridicule and that has affected his business and personal life. No, it’s the other way round Max; some might consider that you lose the right to anonymity when you hire a room full of female playmates to indulge your sick and depraved sexual fantasies. None of us can know whether Max shares his father’s political persuasion of just loving those Nazis, but I wouldn’t take a big bet against it. The amazing thing is that Mosley should think it was a good idea for him to take the tabloid newspaper to court, after he admitted the basic facts which included more or less everything except his disputing of the notion that these sex games indicated that he is a Nazi sex deviant, rather than a simple run of the mill sex deviant. From my perspective I have to admit that I do prefer the normal type of sex deviant, to the Nazi type that is. Go on Max; prove you’re just a regular sex deviant. We’re all having fun a great deal of fun watching you do so.

Then there’s the story about the young Yorkshire country cricket player who had captained the England under 15 and under 16 teams over the last couple of year. The trouble was that he has a Pakistani passport, as he was born in that country and was not registered as a foreign player in England as the rules state he must. The problem comes from the fact that the powers that be knew about this for a week but they and his county hadn’t got their act together in that time and apparently didn’t seek to stop the game until the crowd was already at the fixture.

Knowing that they couldn’t possibly be this stupid I don’t think I should bother with this story. Surely it simply isn’t possible for all these senior figures in the game of cricket to allow a situation in which thousands of people have paid for their tickets and even entered the ground before the game was cancelled. The clowns who run the game only have to apply their make up and costumes.

Let’s check the calendar, I often do so when a story appears that is so bizarre that I simply can’t believe someone hasn’t fabricated it. Such is my disbelief at the story repeated in many places that there is serious interest in purchasing Newcastle United Football club from its present owner, Mike Ashley. The prospective purchasers are the family of Osama Bin Laden. You couldn’t make this up, and the next bit makes it even better or worse of juxtaposition, depending on your point of view. This is the same Newcastle United who employs the convict footballer, Joey Barton, currently serving time at Her Majesty’s pleasure for having attacked an innocent victim, and whom last week was found guilty of another admitted attack this time on a professional player in a separate incident.

The great debate amongst the fans of Newcastle United was whether or not their team should take a moral stance and throw Joey out for his crimes and misdemeanors. It is my view that they should not do so based on his recent behavior, because he will have been punished under law already, and you shouldn’t punish a person more than once. I think they should throw him out because he is clearly unable to control himself. But the idea of the Bin Laden family being the possible arbiters of how British people in their employment might have to behave is almost too delicious to contemplate. Imagine the conversation, “Joey, so you think you’re hard?” I bet he’d behave.

It looks like we found something to write about after all.