Manners Maketh Man

Yesterday I went to the centre of London on the underground train system. I am happy to report that it arrived on time, seats were available on the inbound journey, and there were no irksome delays. However today’s story concerns manners and how much they matter.

As it is a half term break for school children there were quite a few ankle biters traveling to town with their parents and grand parents. One small boy, about five or six years old was with both his grand parents, he looked like a blonde angel. The only problem was that he had his feet on the chair. Of course, you all know that’s wrong, because who knows what mud or other mess he might have on his shoes that he would now transfer onto that seat ready to damage or stain some unsuspecting and unprotected posterior. His grandma noticed his wondering feet and quietly whispered something into his young ear. The boy immediately sat up and didn’t repeat his error. Handled simply, painlessly and without a fuss the boy now understood not to put his feet on chairs in future.

If you don’t tell the child he will grow up behaving in an anti social manner. I know this for a fact having lectured to many classrooms and lecture halls full of teenagers who simply have no idea how to behave. This was further evidenced at the restaurant in which I had lunch. There a group of youngish middle-aged businessmen, apparently from the advertising industry, were eating. One of them pointed to the other’s watch and said it was very desirable; he had one exactly the same but with a blue face on it. He then went on to ask, “How much did you have to pay for it? If you paid more than £1,600 you were robbed.” I didn’t listen as the other guy responded, but again, they had no idea of manners. It’s impolite to ask the cost, fine if you want to admire something beautiful, but tacky if you demand the price.

I thought I was fairly desensitized until I was sitting at a theatre and the two men behind me decided to talk, quite loudly, throughout the show. This was a show that they were apparently enjoying, but saw no reason not to talk through. This included a conversation about how they were going to take their wives to a local sex shop and saying how much they would all enjoy it. Clearly the men were drunk, and from their demeanor it was clear they were looking for trouble.

Such public expressions of ignorance by grown up thugs is, unhappily, becoming more common in our country. This was a country famous for its courtesy. We ignore this general falling of our most basic standards of civility at our peril because it will spread and degenerate our society and all who live in it.

There was a small, brief ray of sunshine, when, back in the now over crowded train, on the return journey, I noted one young man who stood aside for a pregnant young woman, and made sure two older people were seated. It was good to see the three recipients of his simple act of courtesy smile, and the small smile of recognition from the young man. Maybe, just maybe, courtesy is as contagious as rudeness; let’s hope so.